So, last chat surrounded my getting a ticket for no other reason than the police officer was playing with a new toy that the Great State of Texas decided to provide to its police.
Let me educate you on how things used to be. Let me school you with a story about a sweet lady who lived under Hitler, then Soviet occupation, then ultimately under freedom. Her name is Kitty Werthmann. I will speak to you much about her in the future. But for now, let us tell the story of her first encounter with the police here in the United States. Here is what she writes:
‘It dawned on me. It’s freedom’
Kitty Werthmann tells this story of her arrival in the United States:
“I was processed in New York. I stayed in a hotel the first night, and the next morning asked the concierge for directions to the nearest police station. I asked if it was in walking distance, and it was.
“I walked in and told the desk sergeant I wanted to register. He said,’What are you talking about?’ I said I wanted to register, so they’d know where I was. How would they find me if I broke the law? He said don’t worry, they’d find me. And then he said, ‘Lady, get the hell out of here.’
“I walked outside and it was a January day with a blue sky.
“I looked up and said, ‘What kind of country is this?’ All of a sudden it dawned on me. It’s freedom.” (http://www.eagleforum.org/misc/states/articles/2003/werthmann-3-11-03.shtml)
Kitty lived most of her early years under supreme control freaks. At the tender age of 13 she saw fellow Austrians hand themselves over willingly, lovingly, happily – to Adolf Hitler. Then the control freaks rolled in and started making all sorts of controlling measures – many of which involved “helping” the local police keep track of everything. So naturally, it seemed right as rain to make sure that she dutifully showed up at the police station to “register” when she came to America. But the police of the 1950’s thought she was nuts and told her to get the hell out of the station.
Now I am going to tell you some stories that will illustrate my goal in this chat – to teach you the anatomy of a control freak. Why do we need to know about this animal? Because the everyday control freak is hidden deep within the tyrants and tyrant wannabee.
Several years ago my husband and I were at a swim meet. Our kids’ ages ranged from teenager down to about 10. Now when we lived in Montana, parents were free to go where ever their kids went. No problem – all people manning swim meets understood that parents had the right to care for and to PROTECT their children.
But then we came to New Jersey. And that fateful day when New Jersey swimming and I and my husband collided like bulls charging horns in locked combat. The officials running this particular meet decided to make a rule – no parents were allowed to go into the locker room with their children. Excuse me? My husband and I challenged the officials. They actually posted big, burly guys looking like wrestlers to keep the children protected from their parents. After grilling and grilling the man and woman standing at the desk that blocked me from going with my kid, I asked – who came up with this idea. The woman simply said, “Well here at this school we feel children need to learn to be without their parents.” My husband had a few choice words with the man in charge and ultimately my sweetie pie shot, “You’re nothing but a control freak!” That was it, that man lost it – he did not like being called a control freak. But my gentle warrior said, “Tough – truth hurts.” And we walked away.
So, what is a control freak – someone who wants to take over every aspect of the lives of those who surround him. We have all encountered them. There is the bully in school who likes to make everyone afraid – for one purpose – they get to control – it’s fun.
Then there’s the mom who comes new to the mom’s group. The group is having a great time with the moms just getting together and having a chance to chat while the kids get to play with each other safe and sound with mom around. But new mom comes and she does not think everything is cool in her eyes. No, this little group needs to be shaped in her own image. So does she openly say, “I’m going to transform this group and here is what I have planned.” No, no, no. That would require the tiresome chore of listening to other ladies’ ideas, other ladies’ rebuttals. No, this has to be strategic. First, new mom scopes out the lay of the land. Let’s see who will be my rival. She decides to take down those unsuspecting moms one at a time – by spreading little lies, causing the target to be agitated to the point that she finally quits. Yes, that’s how it is done. But while she is plotting all her little coups steps, she is also making moves to volunteer for all the positions that other moms really don’t want to do – like become the president of the club. Once she does that, she starts taking over the meetings, there is a subtle change in her, she becomes more of a boss to the group than just another mom. She starts lining up the other positions of authority – the secretary, the treasurer, the newsletter editor. And all the while, people start to become afraid of her – don’t ask me why – it’s a MOM’S CLUB NOT THE KREMLIN!!! But it happens. How do I know this – it happened to me. I became one of the targets – I was the newsletter editor and I found out she was spreading lies about me. So I did what any red-blooded American once did – I waited for the opportunity then I confronted her out in the open at a meeting at my house in the presence of all the other ladies. But knowing full well how control freaks operated, I did not give her the chance to turn it around on me. I spoke to the ladies and told them that a member of this club is spreading lies about me – and I detailed every damn lie. All the moms stared at me in shock. One started to tear up. I did not reveal the identity of the snake – but the snake stared daggers at me. Later she came up to me privately and said she was so, so sorry that she only – blah, blah, blah. I quietly told her that I could only go by what she said, but I did not really trust her. You know that woman did not respond, not even a look of hurt, when I declared I did not trust her!
So, what makes a control freak – what are the signs:
1. They want control (of course.)
2. They plan the taking of that control – never an open assault for power.
3. They don’t like heroes or people of courage – they need weaklings who can be bullied, flattered, steered in any direction desired.
4. They pick off one adversary at a time – even if that adversary is an a unsuspecting friend!
5. They use deceit, browbeating, ridicule, and justification – no matter how insane – always they can justify their pathetic demands.
6. When they gain power – they use punishment and terror – even in a mom’s group, even at a swim meet.
7. Often when someone confronts them with facts, truth, justifiable anger – the control freak feigns the victim status – “I don’t understand why you are angry – I was only trying to blah, blah, blah.”
8. They are never humble – they can be good actors – but never humble.
To me, control freaks very much resemble Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings.
But, what to do about a control freak? Ah, this is not easy. The first trick is to recognize their traits. I gave you just a partial list – there is quite a long list. What you have to do is look in your past – think of the kid on the block who somehow managed to surround himself with toadies – not really friends, just kids who were too scared not to be the kid’s friend. What did he do when the new kid came to town – harass subtly, probe to see what the new target cared about – like their mother – and use it as a stealth weapon. When he managed to make the target so upset – the bully would play mind games – become nice and friendly – then out of the blue one day snap an emotionally deadly blow. It becomes a cycle. If you have never experienced it – watch the Horatio Hornblower series – you will see the perfect example of a control freak in the first two or three episodes. (Courtesy of youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6qtLWwJq9U)
I knew how to handle the mother control freak because I recognized her and what she was doing. You see, I had experienced enough of them in my lifetime that it became very easy to spar with her – she just did not know it. And I knew the only way to defeat the controller was with careful planning – it’s a war – and when you are dealing with stealth and deceit – you have to make battle plans well in advance and, you have to be prepared to get hit – hard. You have to be prepared that you might lose – but one thing you won’t do – you won’t be controlled!
Next chats – the control freaks of the past. Never too late to learn a little history. So grab some cappuccino and get ready for some long, hearty chats.
Independent Examiner 